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  • Writer's pictureERG

You May Be a Deplorable If...

Howie Carr, the famed Boston Herald conservative columnist, wrote a funny column about being a deplorable. Excerpts below, and we've added some of our own benchmarks to measure 'deplorableness.' Here goes ...

You may be a deplorable if you stand for the National Anthem.

Or if you know all the words to the Pledge of Allegiance, especially, “under God.”

If you’re deployable, you’re definitely deplorable.

If you wake before noon, if you call Islamic terrorists Islamic terrorists, and you don’t believe that global warming is “settled science” — can you say deplorable?

Saying Merry Christmas — Deplorable with a capital D!

You may be a deplorable if you wouldn’t mind showing some ID at the local precinct before you vote.

You are most assuredly a deplorable if you have more than one job.

You may be a deplorable if you’ve never used Western Union to wire welfare cash south of the border.

You may be a deplorable if you resent training your H1-B replacement.

Nothing says deplorable like the National Rifle Association or Right to Life.

If you liked your doctor and wanted to keep your doctor, if you wear pants rather than pajamas when you leave the house, — you know what you are.

You may be a deplorable if you don’t think you should have to press one for English.

You may be a deplorable if you identify as a member of the gender in which you were born.

Or if you believe that good fences make good neighbors.

You’re most definitely a deplorable if you have an American flag and a Trump flying in your front yard.

Or if you’ve never gone boating with Gretchen Whitmer’s husband or talked electric vehicles with Debbie Stabenow.

You are a deplorable if you believe All Lives Matter.

If you’ve never needed a “safe space,” or heeded a “trigger warning” — deplorable.

If you own a “Proud to be Deplorable” T-shirt or a Lets Go Brandon bumper sticker — yes, you know very well what you are.

If Big Tech has banned you for sharing a 'Fauci for Prison' video … so deplorable.

You believe woke means you are not asleep.

You’ve loudly chanted "USA USA" at a large public rally.

If you see the major institutions of American life as corrupt, ineffective, and blatantly favoring the financial/social elite. Congrats! You are a deplorable.

If you favor American Exceptionalism, over the New World Order, well, that’s deplorable.

You definitely a deplorable if you prefer 87,000 new Border Patrol agents over 87,000 IRS Agents.

If you are brought to man tears watching Top Gun: Maverick, well, that’s a deplorable act.

And if you think the country was safer, wealthier, and more optimistic under Trump than under Biden … deplorable you are.



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